How I Use Writing to Process Grief and Hardships

Today, I will be writing about using writing to process grief in its many forms. Please be advised, today we are going to cover some touchy and potentially painful topics.

Grief can appear in many forms, and life can be really tough to get through, especially when you’re dealing with loss. Today, I had planned to talk about ebooks and print books, but my grandpa passed away last week, and processing that and dealing with all the grief of those around me, trying to support where I can and attending the funeral, that post idea seems pretty meaningless at the moment. So, I thought I would write about grief and how I use writing to process some of life’s most difficult moments. 

Writing is an excellent tool to process emotions.
There’s a reason that journaling has always been so prevalent, and why so many therapists recommend some form of journaling as an exercise for processing and growth. I’ve kept a journal consistently since I was eleven years old, and even when I don’t write what I’m feeling in one of those journals, it’s always been so helpful for me to write out everything on paper so I can look at the big picture of it all, break down the details, and even make decisions. 

Let’s talk first about using writing to break through shock. It’s never easy to discover that you’ve lost someone, even if it’s someone you haven’t met yet (an unborn child), someone you haven’t seen in a while (an old friend, or a distant family member), someone you were very close with, or even someone you had trouble getting along with. Learning that that person is no longer living is a tough pill to swallow. Thankfully, I haven’t experienced a ton of loss in my lifetime, but I have lost enough to know that receiving this news is heartbreaking, and to protect ourselves, sometimes it can even be numbing. One thing I have learned is that if you let that numbing stage linger, it can make moving through life miserable. So how do we make sense of the mess of grief when we may not have fully felt that loss yet? How do we move forward and live life when we’re stuck going through the motions in a numbing mist? 

For me, that answer has always been writing. I don’t mean that if I’m grieving I’m going to sit down and write an entire novel (although, sometimes inspiration does spark from some of the most painful moments). I also don’t mean that I’m going to journal out all my feelings in one neat entry and call it a day. Like writing, grief is a process, and everyone handles their process differently. For me, this process looks like grabbing a piece of paper and a pen, and questioning myself until I reach the answer that makes sense. I’ll explain. 

Sometimes it’s helpful to write out everything, even if that means you start writing with, I don’t know. I don’t know what happened, or how this happened, or what I’m feeling. I don’t know what’s bothering me more. Even starting there is a great way to help you process, and for me, it’s the first step to figuring out what I’m feeling and how to feel it. The first question I always ask is What am I feeling? Write it out. Whatever you’re feeling or thinking. This is an opportunity to get whatever comes to mind out and onto the page. Then, I take a look at what I’ve written so far. Then, for everything I wrote down, I ask myself, Why is this bothering me? OR Why is this affecting me this way?

I find that, once I’ve figured out what I’m feeling, understanding why that particular thing is bothering me is sometimes the most important piece. Sometimes, I find that I can stop the writing process once I understand what I’m feeling and why. However, there is one more step that I often find is helpful when I’m writing to process these big events, and that is… 

How do I move forward? How do I live with this? How do I fix it? Obviously, some things can’t be fixed. If you lose a person in your life, you can’t bring them back. But you can find meaningful ways to bring their memory with you as you move forward with your life. That brings me to the next thing that I love about writing in relation to grieving.

You can use writing as a way to preserve your memories. Memories fade over time, and once a person’s gone, it feels almost urgent to preserve their memory before it, too, is lost. Writing to preserve memories of loved ones can be a great way to honor them and process in your own way. I wasn’t super close with my grandpa growing up, because there were so many of us, and my mom wasn’t very close with him, either. After learning of his passing, I took some time to write everything I could remember about him, and I also listened to the stories my mom would tell, which I plan to write for her. Sharing, writing, or reliving these stories is an excellent way to feel a closeness with the person who has passed, and a wonderful way to reexperience the moments you had together. 

Thank you all for being with me on this wild journey. I hope you found today’s post somewhat helpful. I, for one, am extremely grateful for the many healing properties that writing has to offer. Have a wonderful week, stay safe and warm, and I’ll write again soon.